Relationships
Couples too often split soon after infidelity, before considering alternatives or attempting to repair the relationship. (Continue reading … )
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As a couples therapist, I fairly regularly talk to romantic partners about the different ways they feel distant from one another. Sometimes it is sexually, other times it is about a mismatch in coparenting styles, but mostly couples simply say they do not feel “intimate” anymore. For almost all couples, there was at some point in their relationship an intimate connection. Usually if we delve into this we discover that, in the beginning of the relationship, both…
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Expectations are attitudes and behaviors that we expect from other people. We are taught – explicitly and implicitly – that there are standards of behaviors, what we call the norms, when it comes to how we should treat each other. We see it being modeled in our family, and we also see it in school, in our community and the workplace, on TV and other media including the Internet. It’s normal to have expectations for all of…
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If you’ve ever had your heart broken, you know how painful it can be. There are times when the pain is so bad it becomes physical. Memories of happy times pop up uninvited anytime during the day, making you feel really sad and alone. One day you may feel ok, but then you wake up in the middle of the night badly missing your ex. The yearning can be intense. It may be hard to believe now,…
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You’ve been hurt badly – by a spouse, a family member, a friend. What they did left a lasting effect on you. Sometimes you don’t know how you have survived the hurt and the pain; there are even times where you’re not sure that you have survived it. You talk about what happened to your spiritual adviser, your therapist, your support system, and one thing they may tell you is to forgive the offender. ‘Forgive and you…
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How do you interact with a romantic partner? Take a minute and ask yourself: Are you usually clingy and possessive? Do you have a tendency to push your partners away? Or are you comfortable with both giving and receiving love to your partner? This pattern of thinking, feeling, and behaving towards someone we’re in a relationship with is called an attachment style. There have been numerous studies conducted on attachment, many of which have consistently shown that…
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When it comes to relationships, we have been told again and again that it’s better to love others more than you love yourself. Sacrificing yourself is said to be the best way to show your love for someone. However, when we consistently put another’s needs before our own to our detriment, the relationship may be based upon a codependency; that is, the relationship stops being healthy when you start prioritizing others’ needs at the cost of your…
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Having financial discussions can be awkward between couples, much more so for those who are about to get married. After all, we are raised to believe that people are supposed to marry for love, not for money. Many research studies, however, have shown that money is the top source of tension in relationships, and not talking about it before the wedding could be a big and lasting mistake. In addition to marriage being an emotional and romantic…
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Most of us work hard; we’ve families to support, debts to pay, and a retirement to prepare for. But for some, it seems like work is the only focus; they work for 12 or more hours a day and six to seven days a week, regardless of their partner’s feelings on the matter. After all, they seem to be saying, all the work they’re doing is ultimately for the family, right? Wrong. Studies have shown that spending…
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We have mentioned the work of Dr. John Gottman before on the Symmetry Counseling blog. Dr. Gottman has extensively researched what makes some romantic relationships happy and lasting and others miserable and doomed to end, and he has identified four behaviors that can actually predict the demise of a relationship. If they occur often enough, criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness can erode a relationship so much that it ends. Today, let’s discuss defensiveness and how to identify…
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