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Therapists talk a lot about the importance of open communication to cultivate and maintain a healthy relationship. One of the most common negative communication styles that can constrain a relationship is passive-aggression. Passive-aggression is the indirect expression of negative feelings. It is often a coping mechanism for feeling powerless or ashamed, and it is rarely a conscious choice to behave negatively.
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We are entering that time of year where couples start to make plans for how they will spend the holidays, and this can spark conflict between partners. Depending on the length of the relationship, emotional ties to the holidays, and location of family, partners can find themselves with vastly different expectations and desires for how to spend time together over the holidays. Newlyweds may be struck with how difficult it is to navigate this time of year…
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A significant part of couple therapy involves improving self-awareness. Because you cannot fix a problem until you are aware of its source, it is important to understand what drives you so you can better control your subconscious impulses. For example, people develop survival strategies during interpersonal conflict in an effort to protect oneself from a perceived threat. Common survival strategies include defensiveness, withdrawal, or counterattack. Partners are often unaware of these impulses in the moment and naturally…
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In any relationship, there will be a struggle for power – an innate drive to assess and understand the dynamic of the relationship. Who is in charge? Can I trust this person as my leader? Is this person trying to challenge my authority? Such thoughts are often subconscious, occurring beneath the surface and completely hidden from view during the fantastic rush of a new romantic relationship. But inevitably, aspects of the power struggle will surface, whether directly…
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Conflict happens in every relationship.It might be a small frustration, such as leaving dirty dishes in the sink. It could also be something much deeper, like a broken promise or an affair. These moments test patience and trust. When it comes to overcoming common obstacles to forgiveness, couples often struggle to move past anger and disappointment in order to reconnect. Forgiveness is not about pretending the hurt never happened; it’s about acknowledging it and moving forward. It…
Read MoreApologies and forgiveness are pivotal aspects of intimate relationships. Saying “I’m sorry” is not about admitting who is right or who is wrong but about acknowledging when a wrong is perceived and empathizing with feeling hurt. Efforts to apologize signify a desire to put your partner and your relationship ahead of yourself. Without an apology, some relationship problems will fester and risk devolving into resentment. Saying “I’m sorry” means something different to different people, and we vary…
Read MorePerhaps you’re a healthy eater and you’re in love with someone who orders extra sausage and pepperoni on his pizza. Or maybe you’re a neat freak who can’t stand it when your guy leaves piles of his stuff all over the house. What seems like no big deal at the beginning of a relationship can escalate into a deal-breaker once the honeymoon phase ends. Anne Brennan Malec, Ph.D., author of Marriage in Modern Life: Why It Works,…
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Being in an intimate relationship requires taking risks. There is no way around it – in order for your partner to know who you really are, you must be vulnerable. You have to reveal your soft spots, your weaknesses, and your authentic self in order to create a deep connection with your partner. Of course, to the extent that you get close enough to be vulnerable with another person, you get close enough for that person to…
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With romantic relationships, many people search for a partner that is different than the rest. Someone who just gets you, and someone who will love you unconditionally. People search for their soulmate. However, the way the term soulmate is used today differs greatly from where it originated, and partners can become significantly constrained from finding and maintaining a happy relationship if they search only for the classical “perfect” soulmate. In modern society, soulmate has developed nuance and…
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When someone tells you that he or she is receiving counseling, you may naturally feel inclined to ask, “What’s wrong?” However, therapy is not only for managing problems that currently exist but a way to prevent problems from occurring and maintain progress. One form of therapy that is frequently misunderstood is premarital counseling. Why is premarital counseling important? With an exceedingly high divorce rate in our country, it is essential for partners to actively invest in their…
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