Blog Archives

An unhealthy phenomenon in many long-term intimate relationships is the tendency to keep score. It is not so much keeping score that is the problem but that when partners do keep score, they tend to unfairly focus on the negative. Rarely in couple therapy, my line of work, do I hear couples delineate all the good, loving, or wonderful things that their partners did in a certain week. Most often, I hear a list of all the…

Having a bad day? Fed up with a part of your life? Feeling angry with a loved one? It’s understandable that you may be suffering from negativity and in a bad mood. The problem is, not only does this bad mood affect you- it also affects those around you. When you’re feeling down and disgruntled, you may unintentionally take this out on others. For example, maybe you started the day with spilling your coffee all over the…

Like women suffer as a result of society’s Madonna-whore complex, I believe that men also experience a contradictory prejudice—something of a “hero-wimp” complex. Men are expected to be strong, infallible, and stoic. When we think of a good dad, we imagine him playing sports, fixing the plumbing and chasing our ex-boyfriends with a shotgun. But women also desperately want men to be emotional—which contradicts this desire for a “hero”. We say, “ I want you to be…

People all have their insecurities, even (or especially) those who appear the most confident. Suffering from the burden of insecurity can silence you when you want to be heard, engender painful feelings of shame, ignite anger and jealousy, and cause doubts and overthinking. Your goal should not be to get rid of insecurities, because that is not realistic, but to manage those feelings so that they do not hinder you from living boldly. Here are some signs…

For most, the late teen years and twenties are a time of incredible change. Typically, you finish your schooling, look for and begin a job, move out of your family home, and maybe even relocate to a new town or city. While this may all seem exciting and full of opportunity, it also can carry with it a vast array of stressors and challenges. In fact, it is not uncommon for someone to experience his or her…

It may seem like kids these days speak a whole different language. They have been raised in the 2000’s- the era of Facebook, texting, and Instagram. However, just like teens have always been for centuries, the last people they seem to want to talk to are their parents. This can make it doubly hard to figure out how to talk to your teen about important issues, day to day life, feelings, etc. The teen years can be…

It’s that time of the year when the sun sets in the afternoon for many of us who live in northern states. For some, this heavy, cold darkness impacts them only insofar that they turn on their headlights on the commute home. For others, it can beckon a desire to stay under the covers until the sun shines again in a few months. In fact, about 6% of Americans deals with something beyond the winter blues. They…

Whether your relationship is on the rocks or smooth sailing, every relationship can benefit from some improvement and introspection. You may be inexperienced in the ways of relationships, in a long-term relationship that has lost its spark, or looking for ways to spice up or renew your commitment. Humans innately crave connection, and being a part of a couple is hard work- so why should we not learn everything we can about feeding that connection? There is…

Ringing in the new year feels like a fresh start, and many people view it as an opportunity to set goals for themselves for the upcoming year. Common new years resolutions are exercising more, eating healthier, learning a new skill, and managing money better. Especially after the relaxation of the holidays, you may have felt invigorated and ready to begin challenging yourself on January 1. However, as the month of January comes to a close, you may…