Blog Archives

A question I will often get is, “When should a couple begin couples therapy?” or, “How do you know when it’s time to get outside help?” While every couple and every relationship is different, getting an expert’s point of view and feedback is always valuable for a relationship. My honest answer is that it is never too soon to begin couples therapy because you can use it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, your partner,…

I feel so selfish if I take time or do something for me. That’s time I should be ____ “ (insert with my children/husband/wife/partner/friends or working/cleaning/running errands, or anything or anyone besides the person themselves). This statement, or something similar, is something that I hear frequently from my clients. There appears to be this negative perception or a sense of guilt attached to taking care of or spending time for ourselves. We often feel selfish, like it…

Add to cart, add to cart, add to cart, buy, buy, buy, feel a high or sense of relief, go into or deeper into debt, possibly hide the evidence, experience feelings of shame, anxiety, and/or depression, repeat the process over and over and over again. Compulsive buying is characterized by a repetitive need to make purchases with the motivation to obtain a sense of relief from stress or negative feelings. Compulsive buyers will often feel a sense…

Every couple argues. It is a part of being in a partnership, and contrary to popular belief, arguing is actually healthy for your relationship. Arguing and disagreeing on important issues in your relationship can perpetuate growth, both individually and as a couple, and can facilitate a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other. However, arguing and fighting often gets a bad reputation because many couples do not know how to argue in a healthy and effective manner.…

“I can’t adult today.” It is a funny catch phrase that has recently seen a lot of popularity and trending in social media. It probably speaks to many of us, possibly quite often too, when the stress, responsibilities, and difficulties of being an adult seem like too much and we wish for the days when we were younger, living with our parents, possibly job and money stress free, and living “the life.” But the reality is that…

I will often see couples who are attending couples therapy to work on their communication. While many couples have deeply rooted patterns in how they communicate that are unhealthy and ineffective, many miscommunications and conflicts stem from gender differences in communication. Typically, not always, men are problem-solvers while women prefer validation and empathy. Let me paint a picture that may seem all too familiar to you. A woman is getting ready to go out and is trying…

It is amazing the power and capabilities our thoughts have in relation to our moods, emotions, behaviors, reactions, and interactions with other people. One positive or negative thought has the power to significantly improve or worsen a situation or our reaction to it. Most often our thoughts are such an automatic process or response that we fail to see the impact they actually have on us. If we take the time to identify and acknowledge our thoughts,…

Love Like New: Reintegrating basic tools of dating into a lifelong marriage Stephanie Sarmas, Licensed Clinical Social Worker Symmetry Counseling Chicago A rush of excitement as you answer the phone to finalize plans for an upcoming date, the anticipation of seeing your new partner again evokes such joy and giddiness insurmountable to anything you’ve ever experienced. The mere thought of learning more about your partner triggers an exhilarating attraction and fascination, underlying, there is a genuine desire…

When I see a client for individual therapy who is coping with the loss of a relationship, they will often say, “I feel like someone died.” I will respond and say, “Yes, that’s exactly right. When a relationship ends, you must mourn the relationship.” Just the way you would mourn the death of someone, you must give yourself the time and space to mourn for the loss of your relationship. People who have gone through a break-up…

Do you know how much your significant other makes? What about the amount of debt that he or she has? Have you two talked about spending and budgeting? Do you have a plan for how large financial decisions will be made or how expenses and bills will be paid? Is there a set amount you can spend before you have a discussion with your significant other? Do you two meet regularly to go over financial planning and…