Stop your relationship from going stale

Think of those old pair of slacks you love to wear when you don’t feel like putting in effort. They’re comfortable, but over time, they become worn and tattered – sometimes without you even noticing. The same can happen with loved ones too. While the deep feeling of enduring companionship with someone you have come to know on so many levels creates a strong bond, we can become so used to our significant other over the years that the fabric of our relationship unravels and comes open at the seams.

Signs your relationship has gone stale

Just as a stitch in time saves nine, is it time you looked for areas of your relationship that you need to patch up to keep your love alive before it becomes too neglected to hold together any longer. If something feels off, or if you’re not as happy with your partner as you would like to be, it’s time to take a closer look for signs of wear and tear. Here are some signs that your relationship has gone stale:

• Niggling and fault-finding: When life is going well, it’s easier to overlook minor flaws and setbacks. However, if discontent creeps in, small annoyances can feel magnified, turning mild irritations into full-blown arguments.
• Avoiding intimacy and/or lacking libido: While sexual intimacy is by no means the be-all end-all of a relationship, lack of it can be a sign that passion and attraction is waning and needs to be addressed.
• Leading separate lives: If you are not giving much to your relationship and perhaps equally not getting anything back, it can result in two people living under the same roof yet leading entirely separate lives, emotionally disconnected from one another.
• Looking outside of your relationship for love, comfort and companionship: When a relationship grows stale, it may tempt one or both partners to seek the emotional or physical intimacy they feel is missing elsewhere. The fallout can not only rock a relationship but destroy it.
• Lack of time and effort put into your relationship: Relationships do not need to be hard work, but they do need positive and proactive input over the years. Ignoring issues or failing to invest energy can build resentment and bitterness.
• Feelings of boredom and even contempt: Stale relationships leave couples in a rut, and the ensuing boredom of this can create deeply ingrained negative feelings about your partner and your relationship.
• Not feeling ‘in love’: Romantic love naturally evolves over time, and passion may fluctuate. However, a temporary dip in feelings doesn’t mean a lack of love is permanent or all you should expect from your relationship.
• Lack of interest: If you feel a general sense of complacency or indifference when thinking about your partner, it may indicate that your relationship has grown stale and needs attention.
• Feeling a disconnect: Over time, you get to know every nuance of your partner, but there is also the danger that you may grow apart and understand and relate to them less. This leads to feelings of isolation.
• Considering separation: When you think about the future of your relationship, what do you see? If your thoughts are filled with dreams about a single life or anxiety about a split, it’s a sign that you need to address the current issues in your relationship.

7 ways to refresh and revitalize your relationship

• Romance: You do not need to be a traditional romantic to create a sense of passion in your relationship. Think about all the subtle ways in which you can show you care about, cherish and love somebody. For example, buy your partner a book by their favorite author, plan a day trip to a place they’ve always wanted to visit, or take a leisurely walk in a scenic location. Often, romance is expressed through simple, selfless actions.
• Passion: Inject some passion into your love life by first connecting with yourself as a sensual being by believing you are an attractive person worthy of love. Pamper yourself with an exotically scented bath and share it with your partner; enjoy the touch of an essential oil massage and embrace your sexual feelings. Even small changes, like a new hairstyle or wardrobe update, can surprise and delight your partner, keeping the spark alive.
• Communication: If you constantly look for distractions that mean you do not have to spend time talking with your partner, such as nights spent on the sofa watching television, then you might want to focus on communicating more. Share meals together, set aside dedicated time without phones or other distractions, and simply be present with one another. The more you communicate, the more easily you can iron out any relationship wrinkles and also feel more connected.
• Sharing: You might share your lives, but do you really share your thoughts, feelings and experiences? Make time for date nights, plan day trips, or take a vacation together. Couples who engage in activities together tend to stay closer, and these shared experiences give you more meaningful topics to connect over.
• Individuality: Spending every moment with your partner isn’t the key to keeping a relationship vibrant; quality matters more than quantity. It is also vital to keep a strong sense of identity so that you can bring this individuality into your union. Keep up hobbies and your own circle of friends. Allow yourself to grow as a person in your own right, not just part of a twosome where you can lose yourself and ultimately each other in the process.
• Interest: No matter how long you’ve been together, you don’t know everything about your partner. Their ideas, opinions, and interests evolve over time, just as yours do. Often, relationships falter when you treat friends or even strangers with more interest than the person with whom you are sharing your life. Ask questions and discuss thoughts; your partner changes over time just like you do, so keep up to date.
• Reciprocation: If you want to be loved and appreciated, then be the first to show your love and gratitude toward your partner. A strong bond increases the likelihood that your efforts will be mirrored, creating a cycle of mutual respect and affection.

Counseling can also help you fix a relationship that is at risk of being torn apart. The key to keeping love alive is to nurture both yourself and your partner, while honoring your bond enough to protect and strengthen it today and in the years to come.