What to Say (and What Not to Say) to Someone Who’s Grieving the Loss of a Pet

Amanda Gregory, LCPC, EMDR

Grieving the loss of a pet can be deeply painful, especially when the intensity of that grief surprises both the person experiencing it and those around them. Pets are often part of daily routines, emotional support, and personal identity, so their absence can feel unsettling in many ways.

At Symmetry Counseling, we frequently see how pet loss grief carries layers of attachment, memory, and meaning that deserve patience and respect rather than quick reassurance or comparison. Supporting someone through this type of grief requires intention, curiosity, and a willingness to sit with discomfort rather than rush toward resolution. Words matter, presence matters, and understanding the nature of pet loss can guide more compassionate responses.

Understanding Grieving the Loss of a Pet

Grief connected to pet loss often receives less acknowledgment than other forms of grief, yet emotional bonds with animals can run deep and long-lasting. Pets offer companionship without conditions, stability during transitions, and comfort during stress, which can make their absence feel profoundly disorienting. Grieving the loss of a pet reflects the loss of routine, emotional safety, and shared history.

Attachment strength, life stage, and personal circumstances all influence how grief unfolds. A pet who supported someone through illness, loneliness, or a major life change may hold a role that feels irreplaceable. Recognizing these factors helps supporters respond with openness rather than assumptions. Professional support through individual counseling can offer a safe space to explore these emotions without pressure before someone feels ready.

Why Comparison Often Causes Harm

Comparing pet loss to other forms of grief often leads to unintentional invalidation, even when intentions feel caring. Statements that minimize the loss or redirect attention away from pain may create distance instead of comfort.

Avoid Saying:

• “You can always get another pet.”
• “It was just an animal.”
• “Other people have it worse.”

Consider Saying:

• “How are you feeling today?”
• “What has this loss been like for you?”
• “Tell me about your pet.”

Expressing Support Without Trying to Fix Grief

Many people feel uncomfortable sitting with grief and may attempt to reduce pain through reassurance or explanations. These responses often come from care, yet they can unintentionally suggest that grief needs correction. Acceptance communicates safety, and support communicates presence, which together allow emotions to unfold naturally.

Choosing Presence Over Solutions

Listening without interruption, acknowledging pain, and offering practical help when invited can feel far more supportive than advice. Honest expressions of uncertainty often carry more warmth than rehearsed phrases.

Avoid Saying:

• “They’re in a better place.”
• “At least they aren’t suffering.”
• “Stay positive.”
• “Everything happens for a reason.”

Consider Saying:

• “Your feelings make sense.”
• “I’m here with you.”
• “Let me know how I can help.”

Counseling focused on grief and loss can also help individuals process complex emotions tied to pet loss in ways that feel supportive.

Recognizing That Pet Loss Takes Many Forms

Loss does not always involve death. Rehoming, illness, aging, behavioral changes, or unexpected separation can all lead to grief reactions. Emotional pain is tied to attachment rather than circumstance, so one experience does not warrant more understanding than another.

Honoring the Meaning of the Loss

Respecting grief involves acknowledging its presence rather than debating its legitimacy. Validation supports healing, even when the situation feels unfamiliar.

Avoid Saying:

• “At least they’re still alive.”
• “You made the best choice.”
• “These things happen.”

Consider Saying:

• “This sounds painful for you.”
• “I’m here to listen.”

Checking In Beyond the Immediate Aftermath

Grief rarely follows a predictable timeline, and emotional waves may resurface long after others expect healing to feel complete. Anniversaries, routines, or unexpected reminders can renew feelings of sadness or longing.

Why Ongoing Support Matters

Checking in weeks or months later communicates continued care and recognition of the bond that existed. Even brief messages can help someone feel remembered rather than forgotten.

Avoid Saying:

• “Shouldn’t this be easier now?”
• “Time heals everything.”
• “It’s time to move forward.”

Consider Saying:

• “How have things been feeling lately?”
• “Can I check in again soon?”
• “I’m still here.”

Finding Support That Honors the Bond

Pet loss grief deserves compassion, patience, and space for reflection, not dismissal or urgency. At Symmetry Counseling, our team of licensed psychologists, marriage and family therapists, social workers, and professional counselors supports individuals through both in-person and telehealth counseling. 

Have you experienced a loss or do you need help supporting someone who is grieving? You might benefit from counseling. Contact Symmetry Counseling to schedule an appointment.