The Inner Child: What is it and Why is it Important?

Mary-Lauren O’Crowley, NCC, LPC

No matter who we are or where we are from, we will experience pain- whether through neglect, abuse, death, or disease. We are all human and thus, we will all sustain emotional injury throughout our lifetime. Many of these wounds, however, will be experienced in childhood, as we are at a pivotal stage in development and tend to be more vulnerable.  Any harm or neglect experienced at such a tender age can leave a lasting imprint and continue to affect us well into adulthood. Childhood wounds may take many forms, such as emotional neglect, verbal or physical abuse, or the loss of a loved one.

Understanding the Concept of the Inner Child

Although we have no control over our childhood traumatic experiences, we can in fact heal from them. Healing the inner child is a concept by which we reflect upon and ultimately reprocess that which caused us harm at a young age. We are in essence going back in time to properly address and work through said experiences- with more wisdom and a greater understanding of ourselves. This process often means uncovering the layers of learned defenses and coping mechanisms we developed to protect ourselves from emotional pain.

Those which we have used time and time again to avoid or distract ourselves from these painful memories and the subsequent painful feelings. When we begin to lower these defenses and allow ourselves to revisit those difficult experiences, we can finally acknowledge our inner child, the part of us that endured the hurt.

Think of the inner child as the painful or negative thoughts, feelings, and beliefs which feel most familiar to us from childhood. These are often internalized messages or learned behaviors that resulted from our traumatic experiences. The voice of the inner child might say things like, “I’ll be abandoned,” “No one loves me,” “I can’t trust anyone,” or “The world is an unsafe place.”

But why is healing the inner child so important, you might be asking yourself? The reason is that unresolved childhood wounds often surface later in life as unhealthy patterns and behaviors. These can deeply affect how we think, feel, and relate to others.

Addictive behaviors

Behaviors such as gambling, smoking, drinking, and avoiding work can indicate an unhealed childhood wound. These behaviors are dangerous because they put the future of the person engaged in them at further risk. Very often, their friends and family suffer as they engage in these acts.

Attachment Issues

Withdrawing from relationships, abandonment issues, trust issues and being emotionally unavailable are issues which typically signal attachment issues stemming from childhood. Such patterns can undermine even the strongest relationships, causing additional pain and distress. Healing the inner child may save many relationships and ensure more satisfying relationships as well as friendships.

Overvaluing Independence

Hyper-independence often develops as a response to repeated disappointments in childhood by those we relied on for care and support. Repetitively being let down by someone in our life who we trusted to provide for, love and assist us eventually leads to a belief that says “I really am not going to allow anyone else to let me down, therefore, I am going to make sure I do everything for myself, and meet my every need!”. While this line of reasoning may seem feasible to the person suffering from trauma, it is almost impossible to be and do everything for ourselves as we were created for community. Healing the inner child can help rebuild trust and the ability to rely on others in relationships.

Mental health challenges

A wounded inner child stemming from unaddressed traumatic experiences can lead to depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts. It can also lead to several mental health disorders including PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, OCD, and Schizophrenia. While mental illness is not solely caused by environmental factors, growing up in an unsafe or unstable environment can significantly heighten vulnerability to these challenges.

Recognizing the Signs of a Wounded Inner Child

Healing begins with awareness. Many adults carry unresolved childhood pain without realizing it, which can subtly influence daily choices and relationships. Signs of a wounded inner child may include persistent self-doubt, perfectionism, difficulty setting boundaries, or overreacting to seemingly minor triggers.

For example, someone who was consistently criticized as a child might avoid taking risks as an adult, fearing failure or rejection. Another common sign is seeking constant validation or approval from others, reflecting unmet emotional needs from early life. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward understanding the inner child’s voice and beginning the process of healing.

Practical Steps to Support Your Inner Child

Supporting your inner child starts with self-compassion and intentional reflection. Simple practices include journaling about childhood experiences, identifying emotions that arise from past wounds, and gently challenging the negative beliefs formed during early trauma. Activities that nurture creativity, play, or relaxation, like drawing, dancing, or spending time in nature, can also help reconnect with the inner child in a safe and supportive way.

Additionally, working with a trained therapist can provide guidance in processing difficult emotions, setting healthy boundaries, and developing coping strategies that foster emotional resilience. Over time, these steps can help transform old wounds into personal growth, allowing for healthier relationships and a deeper sense of self-understanding.

If you are looking to begin your journey of healing the inner child, please reach out to the intake specialists at Symmetry Counseling today to learn how therapy in Chicago can support you.

Resources: 

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/inner-child-work

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201808/deep-secrets-and-inner-child-healing