Different Ways to Create Intimacy in Your Relationship

What is Intimacy?

When we hear or think about the word intimacy, we are often met with the idea of sex. While this can be true, intimacy is very multi-dimensional and can mean many different things. Intimacy is defined by the American Psychological Association as “an interpersonal state of extreme emotional closeness such that each party’s personal space can be entered by any of the other parties without causing discomfort to that person…and requires the parties to have a detailed knowledge or deep understanding of each other” (APA).  

With this definition in mind, we can describe intimacy as a feeling of being emotionally connected, having shared experiences, and feeling comfortable enough to be vulnerable with another person. Intimacy can be shared in all kinds of relationships, such as romantic, platonic, or even within friendships. While we may not engage in all the different types of intimacy with a non-romantic partner, for the purposes of this article, we are going to focus on romantic relationships. Depending on where you search, there are many different types of intimacy that one can engage in with their partner(s). Listed and described below are some of the different ways that a relationship can create more intimacy.

Other Types of Intimacy

Physical Intimacy (Not Sexual)

Physical intimacy is oftentimes a large part of the relationship. While the amount of physicality can vary for each relationship, there are other ways that physical intimacy can be shown such as holding hands, kissing, hugging, or cuddling with your partner(s). For some, this is the most common way to show and display their love and affection to their partner(s). The most important piece to consider with physical (and all other types of intimacy described) is ensuring consent from each person. As mentioned earlier, everyone may have varying levels of comfort and interest in displaying intimacy physically.

Emotional Intimacy

Another major part within relationships is emotional intimacy. This can include our ability to share our feelings, fears, and other parts of ourselves with our partner(s). While this may be difficult for some, it can be a very important piece that helps each partner be able to fully be themselves and create trust and comfort with one another. Emotional intimacy can also include our ability to share if something is bothering or upsetting us and being able to share constructive feedback on what is needed in the relationship moving forward. Within some relationships, this is the most important type of intimacy that can affect other types of intimacy. If your partner(s) does not know how you like to be shown affection, what they are comfortable/not comfortable with, your likes and dislikes, feelings about each other or how they navigate the world, it can very difficult to feel seen and heard and be able to grow together, rather than growing apart. 

Intellectual Intimacy

This can be described as connecting through discussions, conversations, and getting to know each other. Being able to connect through long conversations and sharing beliefs, opinions, and having mutual respect for each others minds and interests. At times, this can be related to each person’s line of work or being able to challenge each other in a respectful manner.

Spiritual Intimacy

Spiritual intimacy does not mean having to participate in the same religion or faith, but being able to share and discuss personal philosophies, such as your own beliefs about your purposes or the meaning of life. Being able to share your view of the world, your interests, thoughts, beliefs, and ideas knowing that each partner will be respectful of any similarities and differences.

Aesthetic and Experiential Intimacy

Some people find connection with their partner(s) through shared experiences of beauty in art, music, food, or an overall appreciation of the world and the people who create it and bring meaning. This can bring couples together and build deeper connections by creating memories and bonding through the experiences they have both individually and together.

Sexual Intimacy 

Another form of physical intimacy and the most commonly identified type of intimacy is sexual. It is important to ensure consent and communication are part of this so that each partner is able to be comfortable before engaging in sexual activities.

Learn More About Creating Intimacy in Your Relationship

While this blog will hopefully provide some assistance, you can learn more about the different types of intimacy and how to implement these in your relationship in couples counseling with a licensed therapist/counselor.

If you are interested in speaking with a counselor or starting counseling services for yourself, your partner(s), or your family, Symmetry Counseling provides services for individuals, couples, and families. For more information, contact our intake department today to be connected with a counselor.

Author: Victoria Delgadillo

Reference:

Porter, Draven. “7 Types of Intimacy & How to Cultivate Them in Your Relationship.” Marriage Advice – Expert Marriage Tips & Advice, Marriage.com, 19 July 2024, www.marriage.com/advice/intimacy/types-of-intimacy-in-your-relationship/. 

Quirk, Michelle. “7 Types of Intimacy That Deepen a Relationship.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 16 July 2024, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/everyone-on-top/202407/7-types-of-intimacy-to-deepen-your-relationship. 

“Apa Dictionary of Psychology.” American Psychological Association, American Psychological Association, 19 Apr. 2018, dictionary.apa.org/intimacy Decker, David J. Some Different Types of Intimacy That Can …, www.ANGERresources.com, 2019, www.angeresources.com/quick-facts/RelationshipIntimacyTypes.pdf.