My Partner Feels More Like a Roommate

Madissyn Fredericks, Licensed Professional Counselor, Symmetry Counseling

When you are your partner decide to take that next step to move in together, there is usually an initial feeling of excitement. You can’t wait to spend more time together, wake up next to each other every morning, and get to know each other on a more intimate level. While this excitement lasts for a while, every couple eventually settles into their routine and gets comfortable with their partner. While this comfort zone can be a great place for couples to settle in to, it can sometimes begin to feel less intimate and more like you are living with a roommate. You may notice you don’t talk as much anymore, share fewer kisses or hugs, are less physically intimate, and don’t see each other as much as you would like to. Feeling these changes is common for many couples; however, if you don’t make an effort to re-establish intimacy, it can take a negative toll on your relationship. If you are feeling emotionally and physically distant from your partner, below are some things you can do to reestablish that romantic connection.

1. Unwind Together

You most likely discuss bills, work, schedules, etc., but do you both make an effort to have meaningful conversations regarding each other? Take time out of your day to make communication with your partner a priority. At the end of each day, spend ten minutes asking your partner about their day; what went well, what could have gone better, what their needs and desires are, etc. After only one week, you should begin to feel more understood by your partner and closer to them as well.

2. Rebuild Physical Intimacy

When was the last time you shared an intimate kiss, hug, or sex with your significant other? It may have been awhile. It is important to not let physical intimacy stray. If it has been some time since you have been physically intimate with your partner, start by giving them a hug/kiss when you both leave for the day and when you come home at night. Little gestures such as these get lost when you and your partner get into a routine but are essential in a romantic relationship. Eventually, the spark re-ignites and you may even feel comfortable making time for sex again.

3. Implement More Quality Time

Everyone gets busy with work, feels exhausted when they get home, and just want to relax. However, couples can sometimes spend their time relaxing alone rather than with each other. While having time for yourself is important, quality time with your significant other is too. Try to spend more time watching a show you enjoy together, playing a game together, or designating one night per week as your date night; no phones, no interruptions. Making the time for dates, even if it is a night in together, will help bring back that connection and you will feel like a couple again!

Although it is normal to get into a routine when you live your partner, losing the intimacy and closeness in your relationship is not. If you and your partner feel you are losing that romantic connection and feeling more like roommates, it may be useful to connect with a therapist. Contact Symmetry Counseling at 312-578-9990 to set up an appointment with one of our very skilled therapists.