Why Do People Self-Harm?

Hannah Hopper, LPC 

Self-harm is something that happens often, and yet, like many other mental health challenges, there’s a lot of stigma around it. If you’ve never struggled with it before, it might be hard to understand why someone would engage in self-harm. But even though it’s hard to talk about self-harm, we can begin to break down the stigma by understanding why some people engage in it. So why do people self-harm? 

To feel present

People who have experienced trauma may cope with it by dissociating. Experiences and severity of dissociation is on a spectrum; and some people dissociate to the point of feeling detached from the people around them, even their own body. When you’re dissociating, it’s your mind’s way of coping with too much stress, and this can often be from something traumatic. Self-harm is very physical, can be a way to feel more grounded and present, or just a way of feeling something again.

To punish

There are times when self-harm is used as a means of punishment. People who have experienced trauma or abuse may believe that they deserve what happened to them, especially if it happened when they were young and no one protected them. Self-harm can feel like a way to create balance, and someone may use it to give themselves the punishment they think they deserve. This self-hatred and criticism isn’t deserved, although it can be hard to see that if you’re suffering alone. 

To communicate

When some people self-harm, it can be a way of showing how deeply they’re hurting. What the person is experiencing in themselves may be so overwhelming that words can’t quite describe it. In cases of trauma and abuse, it can be especially hard to have a coherent narrative to explain what happened and how it feels. It’s difficult to find the right kinds of words to communicate this, but physical marks and scars can clearly show that something is wrong. Physical marks and scars are also a sign of what’s going on inside; they are physical markers of pain, sadness, and anger. It can be invalidating for someone to be wrestling with such intense emotions, and feel like the emotional pain is minimized, or belittled by other people. The physical marks are proof of the internal pain and can be a way of asking for validation and acknowledgement. Emotional pain is real, even if there aren’t any physical signs to show for it. And if you, or someone you know is needing to be heard and seen for what’s really going on inside, a counselor is a great person to reach out to for validation and support. Over time, you and your counselor can find other ways to be seen and validated.

To make a suicide attempt

Sometimes self-harm is actually an attempt at committing suicide or preparing to make a suicide attempt. All self-harm is serious and is an alarm that someone is experiencing deep pain. If self-harm is being done to make step towards suicide, this person needs help and care immediately. Here are some resources if you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts. Go to the nearest hospital or emergency room (available 24/7), call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273 TALK (8255), if you’re uncomfortable talking on the phone, you can also text “HELLO” or “NAMI” to 741-741 to be connected to a free, trained crisis counselor on the Crisis Text Line.

If you’re struggling with self-harm, don’t hesitate to reach out for help through one of the help lines above, a counselor in Chicago at Symmetry, or another counselor near you. You matter and are worth getting the help you need to start feeling better.