Gaslighting: Signs You Are Gaslighting Others and How to Change

Gaslighting sits at the center of many strained relationships and emotional struggles. The topic pulls attention because it influences communication and trust. The signs you are gaslighting others can surface in subtle ways that often go unnoticed until tension rises.

The term comes from a 1938 theater production called Gaslight. Wilkinson (2017) notes that the story centers on a young woman whose husband repeats comments that lead her to doubt her memory and sense of reality. She starts to question her thoughts and feels lost. The story shows aggressive manipulation. Gaslighting can take subtle forms, too, and it can even unfold unconsciously (Ringland, 2017).

Gaslighting is a pattern where a person bends the truth or reframes events to make someone question themselves, their actions, or their memory (Ringland, 2017; Sarkis, 2017). A person who gaslights often uses confident statements to create doubt. This pattern can leave others confused, insecure, or afraid to trust their own thoughts (Jack, 2017).

Understanding the Signs You Are Gaslighting Others

This section expands on the many signs you are gaslighting others in daily conversations and reactions. These behaviors can evolve slowly, yet they carry a significant emotional impact.

It May Show Up In Your Speech

Speech patterns often reveal manipulation before a person realizes they are doing it. Phrases like “Don’t you remember?” or “If you were paying attention, you would know” appear simple, yet they can distort another person’s sense of accuracy.

Guilt-Tripping Becomes a Default Approach

Guilt-tripping shows up when comments aim to make someone feel at fault for something that did not happen or did not happen in the way it is described. Twisting details or adding fabricated pieces creates mental pressure for the other person.

These patterns often surface during conflict when emotions rise, and they can become habits over time. When guilt becomes the tool, communication breaks down quickly.

Invalidation Becomes Common

Brockway (2017) notes that phrases like “You’re overreacting,” “Calm down,” or “You’re too emotional” shut down another person’s emotional experience. These comments do not support the connection.

Instead, they silence someone who attempts to voice their feelings. Emotional invalidation pushes people to withdraw, doubt themselves, and avoid honest conversations in the future.

Frequent Lying or Half-Truths Appear in Conflict

Jack (2017) highlights that lying sits at the center of gaslighting. Lying can be direct or subtle, such as downplaying actions or creating alternative explanations.

For example, claiming a nonexistent work meeting during an affair or stating “You’re being ridiculous; you always do this” redirects blame. These phrases push the other person toward self-doubt and fear of expressing future concerns.

You Put Words in Someone’s Mouth

Another sign of gaslighting appears when statements or accusations are assigned to someone who never said them. This tactic creates defensiveness. The person on the receiving end starts questioning conversations and their own recall.

This pattern also harms long-term trust since the person being gaslit may start second-guessing their ability to communicate clearly.

Why Gaslighting Causes Problems and How Change Starts

Ringland (2017) explains that gaslighting harms relationships because it introduces dishonesty and emotional instability. Even unintentional gaslighting damages trust. Gaslighting can grow familiar for someone with narcissistic traits, yet awareness creates an opening for growth.

Growth begins with intentional attention to words, tone, and emotional impact. Taking responsibility brings stability. Reflecting before reacting helps create a healthier path forward.

Exploring personal triggers, understanding stress responses, and learning grounded communication skills support change. Working with a therapist can help uncover patterns, identify emotional roots, and build new habits with support.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help individuals track thoughts and develop new communication strategies.

Working Toward Healthier Communication Patterns

Growth becomes possible when a person recognizes these patterns and acts with intention. At Symmetry Counseling, we guide clients through emotional challenges that shape relationships at home, in friendships, or at work. Our team supports individuals ages 10 through adulthood through individual counseling sessions and telehealth options.

Reach out today to schedule an appointment.

References

Brockway, L. H. (2020). 24 phrases ‘gaslighters’ use against you. Retrieved from

https://www.prdaily.com/24-phrases-gaslighters-use-against-you/ on June 3, 2021.

Jack, C, (2020). 3 Signs You Might Be Gaslighting People. Retrieved from

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-autism-spectrum-disorder/202006/3

signs-you-might-be-gaslighting-people on June 3, 2021.

Ringland, J., (2017). Unconscious gaslighting: A hidden epidemic of psychological abuse.

Retrieved from https://medium.com/@Anandavala/unconscious-gaslighting

dd8e4f29673d on June 3, 2021.

Sarkis, A. (2017). Are Gaslighters Aware of What They Do? Retrieved from

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/are

gaslighters-aware-what-they-do on May 11, 2021.

Wilkinson, A. (2017). What is gaslighting? The 1944 film Gaslight is the best explainer.

Retrieved from https://www.vox.com/culture/2017/1/21/14315372/what-is-gaslighting

gaslight-movie-ingrid-bergman on June 3, 2021.