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We recently discussed ways to identify whether or not you are defensive in your relationship with your romantic partner. If you saw yourself in some of those descriptions and recognize that you are consistently being defensive with your partner, what are some steps you can take toward shifting that behavior into something more productive? A first important step, beyond employing practical strategies, is to understand why you are being defensive in the first place. Often, a maneuver…
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We have mentioned the work of Dr. John Gottman before on the Symmetry Counseling blog. Dr. Gottman has extensively researched what makes some romantic relationships happy and lasting and others miserable and doomed to end, and he has identified four behaviors that can actually predict the demise of a relationship. If they occur often enough, criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness can erode a relationship so much that it ends. Today, let’s discuss defensiveness and how to identify…
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We do a lot of talking this time of year about resolutions and committing to making changes in our lives. While you might have some specific goals for yourself for the new year, like starting a yoga class or watching one less hour of television a night, perhaps you just have a loosely defined sense that something needs to change, but you are not exactly sure what. You are in a funk – not necessarily depressed but…
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Are you planning on making a list of New Years resolutions for 2014? More importantly, do you make these lists and then consistently drop the ball and not follow through? If so, think about the overall effect of making resolutions and not sticking to them. What does it make you think and feel about yourself? Most likely, you end up only feeling guilty and perhaps even slightly ashamed that, yet again, you could not reach your goals.…
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Dating is not always easy, and a new relationship can be both intoxicating and challenging. You and your new partner are constantly revealing aspects of who you are to one another as you get to know each other. Although this newness is thrilling, this exchange can touch some of our most vulnerable parts – and being vulnerable can put us in a difficult position. We can choose to either revel in this emotional and psychological risk taking,…
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Family gatherings can be a challenge for many people, and during the holidays, many of us are preparing for a family get-together soon. Do you find yourself worrying about an upcoming family gathering? Have these events gone badly for you in the past? Maybe you fear the judgment of one overly harsh and critical family member who always manages to make you feel inadequate. Any number of difficult emotions can be triggered when we are around our…
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Giving end of year bonuses is a very common practice among employers, and bosses often determine employee bonus distributions based upon financial and non-financial measures. End of year performance reviews and hoped-for bonuses are a frequent topic of conversation this time of year. Taking a cue from business, today I want you to think about whether or not you have earned a life bonus this year; that is, whether you have lived up to your own standards,…
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For some of us, the holidays are a time of beauty, wonder, and time with our loving families. For others, it can be one of the most stressful times of the year. And traveling during the holidays is among the most stressful parts of the holidays. With strained finances, long lines and cancelled flights at the airports, dysfunctional families, and being off schedule, the holidays are enough to drive anyone a little nutty. And if you add…
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How many of you can relate to feeling dissatisfied, unhappy, or ashamed of your body? How many of you feel like a failure or not good enough because of your weight or size? Let’s spend some time today thinking about a topic that has recently been garnering a lot of attention (and not always the best kind of attention): body size, obesity and fatness, and health. With increasing concern about weight and weight loss in our society,…
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We all know that the holiday season can bring a combination of excitement and stress for many people. Pressures abound as we attempt to make this time of year exactly right, and oftentimes, this means putting others’ needs ahead of our own. Although there are many benefits to doing for others, it can be detrimental in the long run if you are not also attending to yourself and your own needs. Challenge yourself this holiday season to…
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