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When someone tells you that he or she is receiving counseling, you may naturally feel inclined to ask, “What’s wrong?” However, therapy is not only for managing problems that currently exist but a way to prevent problems from occurring and maintain progress. One form of therapy that is frequently misunderstood is premarital counseling. Why is premarital counseling important? With an exceedingly high divorce rate in our country, it is essential for partners to actively invest in their…
Read MoreFor many couples, writing wedding vows can feel like a daunting task. What do you want to say to a crowd of loved ones about your future spouse? How do you capture it all? While there is certainly no “right” or “wrong” way to approach writing and reciting wedding vows, it might behoove brides and grooms to really reflect on the idea that these vows can be an opportunity to establish your values and intentions for your…
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Three (or Four) questions for Anne Brennan Malec about Remarriage Okay, I am not anywhere near the stage of remarriage, let alone re-falling madly in love. Nor are most of us, at least in the immediate aftermath of divorce. But it hovers out there—the aspiration to meet someone new, recommit, perhaps remarry. We’ve all heard the statistics; second and third marriages have higher divorce rates than first ones. How can we be optimistic about our own romantic…
Read MoreAll relationships experience some level of conflict, and what often comes with conflict is anger. At its core, anger is a secondary emotion, meaning it is a reaction to a primary emotional response. Common primary emotions that trigger anger are hurt, fear, pain, or rejection. Anger can develop as an automatic response to these perceived emotions if a person becomes conditioned to hiding his or her vulnerability. Anger is not a healthy long-term strategy in managing conflict…
Read MoreSelf care means intentionally prioritizing your own basic needs for health, relaxation, stress reduction, and the pursuit of personal interests. While this term may connote shirking responsibilities so that you can spend a day at the spa, it simply means being aware that without recharging your own batteries, you will burn out or perhaps suffer from physical or even mental illness. The need for self care is universal, but it is particularly important for those who put…
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It is one thing to love and quite another to feel loved. Without feeling loved, you may become disillusioned with your partner and your relationship. To make your partner feel loved and appreciated, it is essential to understand how best to express love so that your partner can feel it and to be open with your partner about what helps you feel most loved. Perhaps surprisingly, there is no standard on how to express love, and partners…
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You have said, “I do,” signed the marriage license, and perhaps even celebrated your wedding with family and friends. With all the hard work of planning and executing a wedding behind you, now is the time to sit back, relax, and enjoy life as a married couple, right? The truth, of course, is that this picture of newly wedded bliss does not come close to the reality that nearly all couples face as they embark on their…
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Love exists in many forms that complement a variety of relationships. Think of the love you feel for your partner versus the love you feel for a friend, relative, pet, or hobby. It is restrictive to think that there is a “right” kind of love to strive for, which may lead you farther astray from the type of feeling you desire in a relationship. For example, if you think that you must not love your partner of…
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There are numerous stereotypes about love, relationships, and marriage, and some of them have formed into broadly shared myths. Unfortunately, couples can be led astray by myths that promote unhealthy relationship habits or prevent partners from adopting healthier styles of relating. Often in therapy, I work with couples to break down commonly held myths so that partners can increase their awareness and take control of developing a more satisfying relationship. Here are some of the most common…
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Offering a good apology to someone may seem easy, but doing it right requires attention and care. Simply saying, “I’m sorry” does not necessarily absolve you from your mistake; truly conveying remorse involves much more. No matter the circumstances, we each need to take personal responsibility for our own actions, regardless of how the past or anyone else may have impacted our choice of behaviors. Communicating a sincere and thoughtful apology tells someone that you recognize the…
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