“Am I Falling In Love Too Fast?”

Tips to guide you through anxious thoughts that keep you up at night leaving you wondering if you’re moving too fast.

Jonah Stevenson, LSW Illinois

With shows like Married at First Sight, it’s hard to definitively suggest there may be such an objective truth as falling in love “too soon.” Married at First Sight is a modern televised spin on arranged marriages, where strangers only meet at the wedding and are legally wed and paired based on a set of counselors who set them up for 8 weeks of relationship testing delight.

In addition to personal exploration of attempting to muster up love for their arranged partner, their relationship is exposed to a national audience and the couple is exposed to significant scrutiny over their behaviors and decisions that are portrayed.

Some of the couples may fall in love, but falling in love is way more complicated than what the show tries to make it out to be.

Similarly, the Netflix show Love is Blind seeks to see if physical appearance could take a backseat to an emotional connection in a marriage. These shows have flipped the script on the normative discussion of highly debated topics such as “when is it too soon to fall in love?” or “am I moving too fast?”

While these reality folks can go through this philosophical experiment on television, the same cannot always be said by those of us who wish to stay out of the limelight.

So, what IS the timeline for falling in love?

A Look at Falling In Love

To answer the question of how fast is too fast to fall in love, experts suggest that self-reflection and emotional awareness play key roles in determining whether a new relationship feels healthy and balanced. Before labeling your emotions as “too much” or “too soon,” take time to reflect on your intentions and emotional needs. Ask yourself, “Why does it matter if I move ‘quickly’ in this relationship?”

Self-doubt can often appear as a defense mechanism, protecting you from potential hurt or heartbreak. However, when left unchecked, it can also create unnecessary anxiety and fear around love. You might find yourself wondering, “Is this person too much?” or “Am I too much?” These thoughts are normal, but they can distort your perception of what healthy affection looks like.

The philosopher Alan Watts once said, “We don’t say ‘rising into love.’ There is in it, the idea of the fall …all of life is an act of faith and an act of gamble.” There is nothing wrong with telling or showing the person you are with that you are enjoying the relationship, and if that feels like love, perhaps it is. Love is inherently subjective regarding the combination of value alignment, sense of emotional safety, comfort, and even hormonal factors, amongst many more things.

A reasonable fear that lurks with this question regarding timeline could be a more topical characteristic of love bombing, which has seen an uptick in exposure in the modern zeitgeist thanks to the rise of true-crime podcasts and awareness around narcissistic personalities.

Love bombing, put simply, is when one person takes on a lot of supportiveness and generosity towards the other person, and the bubbling feelings relate to euphoria and a sense that things are the way they should always go.

The psychiatric literature around narcissistic personalities suggests that love bombing tends to be a tactic to manipulate and control the relationship early on. However, it is unreasonable to always suggest that love via affection and “honeymoon”-esque feelings are wrong.

How do Your Values Align?

One way to determine if the level of affection and pace of your relationship feels safe and healthy is to see how values align with one another.

For example: that person you started dating loves grabbing coffee and spending time in the library with you while sharing sweet nothings. What shows up inside when reflecting on their values and how you see the relationship progressing?

It’s okay to enjoy the relationship at the moment as it is happening too. Reflection can be helpful, so long as it is not taking away your enjoyment and creating further anxiety. You can book a consultation with our relationship counselors if a problem arises.

There is risk in love no matter how safe, and reflection can limit the emotional obstacles while potentially affirming our intuition and ability to explore new territories should opportunities arise.

Should you want more information on reflecting on values and finding common elements, check out this questionnaire: https://www.integralpsychology.org/uploads/1/5/3/0/15300482/shared-meanings.pdf

Finding Clarity in Love and Connection

Falling in love can be exciting, confusing, and even a little overwhelming. It is natural to question the pace of your emotions or wonder if you are moving too fast. What matters most is self-awareness, emotional safety, and how your values align with your partner’s.

At Symmetry Counseling, our licensed therapists can help you explore your feelings, identify patterns, and build healthier relationships rooted in trust and emotional balance.

Reach out today to schedule a therapy session or virtual appointment and take a step toward understanding your emotions and strengthening your connections.