Posts
Love exists in many forms that complement a variety of relationships. Think of the love you feel for your partner versus the love you feel for a friend, relative, pet, or hobby. It is restrictive to think that there is a “right” kind of love to strive for, which may lead you farther astray from the type of feeling you desire in a relationship. For example, if you think that you must not love your partner of…
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There are numerous stereotypes about love, relationships, and marriage, and some of them have formed into broadly shared myths. Unfortunately, couples can be led astray by myths that promote unhealthy relationship habits or prevent partners from adopting healthier styles of relating. Often in therapy, I work with couples to break down commonly held myths so that partners can increase their awareness and take control of developing a more satisfying relationship. Here are some of the most common…
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Offering a good apology to someone may seem easy, but doing it right requires attention and care. Simply saying, “I’m sorry” does not necessarily absolve you from your mistake; truly conveying remorse involves much more. No matter the circumstances, we each need to take personal responsibility for our own actions, regardless of how the past or anyone else may have impacted our choice of behaviors. Communicating a sincere and thoughtful apology tells someone that you recognize the…
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Over time, partners frequently lose the fervor they once had to understand and actively appreciate the other. This is partially due to simply knowing your partner better. After being with this person for so many years, day in and day out, you certainly learn a thing or two about your partner’s likes, dislikes, annoyances, and dreams. The danger in falling into this crevice of passivity is that you may miss important changes and opportunities for connection. Couples…
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John Gottman is a well-known researcher of intimate relationships , and he developed a method of couple therapy based on many of his findings. One piece of his theory that recently received media attention is the significance of couple time in improving your relationship. Given that this is a concept I almost always bring up in my sessions with couples, I naturally took an interest in what Gottman identified as the ways you can use six hours…
Read MoreMany people say that dating is difficult and unpleasant. Rarely do you hear someone express unbridled excitement about going on yet another date, and that is because for a lot of people, dating is hard work! It requires one to be vulnerable yet energetic and engaging yet quiet enough to listen to your date. Even the most confident people can feel overwhelmed and self-conscious given all the elements one has to balance in order to ensure the…
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Sexual desire naturally fluctuates, but many partners and couples struggle to accept the inevitable fall in sexual frequency and desire following the initial romantic love stage of a relationship. Sexual desire often comes willingly and easily in the early stages of a relationship, and many couples are left unprepared to initiate more active efforts to maintain desire and sexual fulfillment in later phases of a long-term partnership. As a result, too many partners feel undesired and fall…
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“As challenging as it can feel, it is the responsibility of the approached partner to be willing to listen to the hurt partner’s request.” All relationships encounter points where one or both partners become irritated with the other. Ideally, many of these irritations are accepted as just part of the marriage deal. Just because your husband or wife does something that bothers you does not mean you need to bring it to his or her attention. Tolerating…
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It is well documented that the transition to parenthood correlates with a precipitous drop in relationship satisfaction for new parents. This dip in perceived satisfaction largely persists until the children launch and leave home. While this trend is well supported by research, plenty of couples choose to undergo the transition to parenthood and many lack adequate resources to support the intimate or marital relationship through this period. The first step in combating this trend is awareness and…
Read MoreJust as there are many forms of therapy, there are as many reasons for why you may want to end treatment with your therapist. No matter your reason for terminating (the word therapists use to describe the end of a course of treatment) therapy, this is one context where you can control how you experience the ending of a relationship between you and someone important to you. While ending therapy can be challenging, there are a few…
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