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Studies have shown that around 30% of couples who are attending couples therapy are what therapists call “mixed agenda couples”, or a couple who is unsure whether or not they want to stay together. One partner may be interested in fixing or maintaining the relationship while the other partner may be ready to leave the relationship. Research also shows that even after entering legal processes, about 30% of individual parents of minor children are interested in maintaining…

“No your butt doesn’t look big in those pants.” “Your jokes are really funny.” “That dinner was so delicious.” “Of course you could take him in a fight, I would put my money on you.” “These clothes are old; I have had them for months.” “I have no idea where the two hundred dollars went.” “I didn’t open that credit card.” Whoa, stop right there! Yes, there are times in a relationship or marriage when a little…

Want: to have a desire to possess something or wish for; to lack or be short of something desirable. Need: to require something because it is essential; expressing necessity. These two words are very different to the extent in which something is viewed as necessary or optional. However, in my work as a Certified Financial Social Worker, especially when reviewing spending and budgets, these words are used synonymously; basically everything becomes a need. “But I need to…

We all process information differently. Some of us need to talk it out as soon as issues arise, while some of us need a couple of hours or even a couple of days to gather our thoughts before discussing it. A common communication dynamic that I see as a couples therapist are two individuals who process information and communicate differently. Often times, one partner is an external processor while the other partner is an internal processor. External…

What were you thinking about just now? I would bet that it didn’t have anything to do with what is going on with you right at this moment. I would also bet that it was probably about what you have to do or get done for the day, planning or figuring out something for the future, or thinking about something that happened in the past, replaying it over and over in your head and thinking about how…

Technology itself is a bystander to our lives. We choose how we want to interact with it and whether it serves as a benefit or a danger to our relationships. Here are a handful of tips for promoting healthy technological behavior in your relationship. DO video chat when long-distance. Being able to see and hear our partners when they are not with us is a gift of our modern technological age. For some it feels awkward, makes…

We live in an age of technological distraction, where the primary modes of relaxation and diversion involve staring at a screen. For many, technology serves as an escape from the present, whether through procrastination, avoidance, or denial. This can dramatically limit our time to be present with others and negatively impact our interpersonal relationships. Sure, we can watch the same show with our partners, challenge each other in Pokémon Go, or play a video game together. But just…

A question I will often get is, “When should a couple begin couples therapy?” or, “How do you know when it’s time to get outside help?” While every couple and every relationship is different, getting an expert’s point of view and feedback is always valuable for a relationship. My honest answer is that it is never too soon to begin couples therapy because you can use it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, your partner,…

I feel so selfish if I take time or do something for me. That’s time I should be ____ “ (insert with my children/husband/wife/partner/friends or working/cleaning/running errands, or anything or anyone besides the person themselves). This statement, or something similar, is something that I hear frequently from my clients. There appears to be this negative perception or a sense of guilt attached to taking care of or spending time for ourselves. We often feel selfish, like it…

Add to cart, add to cart, add to cart, buy, buy, buy, feel a high or sense of relief, go into or deeper into debt, possibly hide the evidence, experience feelings of shame, anxiety, and/or depression, repeat the process over and over and over again. Compulsive buying is characterized by a repetitive need to make purchases with the motivation to obtain a sense of relief from stress or negative feelings. Compulsive buyers will often feel a sense…